i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
