why didn't you poke me back
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
