just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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