Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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