I'm going to jail i love you
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize