I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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