May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
