I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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