I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
