I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
ttyl tear gas
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
wow bdsm is so cute
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
