I wannas sexs uuuuu
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
