Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
