just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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