i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
