I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
