So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
