Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
