I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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