Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
