Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
