PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
