I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
