Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
