I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
