I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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