Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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