This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
