Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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