I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
