That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
