It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
