Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
