you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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