so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
