so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
