I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
