There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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