Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
