Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize