kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
