She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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