Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
