alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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