I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize