I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
