Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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