I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
