I cockslap morals
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
