Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
