remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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