she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
