The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
