If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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