My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
