So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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