new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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