I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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