Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
