I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
