I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize