her vagine was all disorganized.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
