I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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