So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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