Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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