I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He's a Shit stain on my heart
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm sobbing to NWA
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
