the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
