It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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