umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
