Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
