the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
