I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
