you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
