did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You are a genius and a whore.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
