Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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