never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
