OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
