I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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