Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize