I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
please come you make the beer taste better
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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