I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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