I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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