wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
