I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
